Day 37 – Life Changing Hugs

9 HUGS, 4 children, 5 adults (1 husband, 4 neighborhood friends)

Not wanting to venture out of the house today because my 1 year old is still feeling the effects of the croup, I wondered where the inspiration for today’s post would come from.  Actually, as the day wore on I became more and more anxious about where it would come from.  The best idea I had all day was to title it Boring and then just make fun of the fact that I didn’t have a whole heck of a lot to write about.  I was going to go so far as to warn people that if it was the first post they were reading to run away…fast!  But, as always, when I just let go of my anxiety the inspiration floats down to me like a gift from heaven.  Or, is sent to me through a message from an angel.

A loyal follower sends me frequent comments that I adore.  She moves me, inspires me, brings me to tears.  (As a matter of fact, her latest blog post did just that.  Read it here.)  She recently asked me about the ways in which this journey has impacted my life and wondered why I don’t share those.

*Deep Breath*

I haven’t shared up to this point because I wondered why people would care.  What do I have or who am I that is so interesting people would want to know the kind of impact this would have on me?  The fear of being made fun of by others who are smarter, funnier, prettier can sometimes be crippling.  I didn’t even know I was feeling this way until it was brought to my attention.  It’s amazing the kinds of demons that can lay deep below the surface even when you thought you had slayed them for the final time.

I have learned through this experience that people are kinder, gentler, more compassionate than we give them credit for.  I have also learned that we really are all the same.  I had such an inferiority complex (and apparently am still working on that one) before this project began.  Oh sure, I hid it well, but it is one of my biggest weaknesses.  I have been forced to face this fear over and over again every single day for 37 days.  Over time, I beat that fear down and it became manageable.  Once it became manageable, I could see others for who they really are, which is, the exact same as me.  They have the same fears, the same concerns, the same desire to be loved and accepted.  Once I made this realization I didn’t feel so alone.  That fear became one that is not just manageable but really more of a nuisance.  I know I will still need to work at it (every day for the next 328 days), but I anticipate a day in the near future when it will be time to move on and I will be able to look back at this fear and celebrate my growth.

This is just a small excerpt of how I have been affected.  I could already write a book on the numerous ways my life has changed.  I will share more of myself with you as the year goes on.

Just so you all know, in full disclosure, I had to write this post in a quiet room and it has taken me over an hour.  Butterflies have been tumbling through my belly throughout the whole process and to be honest, the fear of putting myself out there this way has made me want to throw up a little. Now I have probably shared too much information, but well, I know most of you can relate to this in some way.  I just may be one of the only ones crazy enough to share.

Shhh, don’t tell anyone…I am afraid to hit the publish button…………………..here goes…..

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21 thoughts on “Day 37 – Life Changing Hugs

  1. guess what…I feel the same way you just did almost everytime I have to hit the publish button. Those same ole demons you talk about haunt me as well.

    I love your courage, you spunk, your honesty.
    I wish we could go out for coffee….maybe one day we will.
    thank you for sharing. This is by far one of my favorite posts…… I did love the “jesus flyers”..
    The good stuff is in the explicit and implicit learnings…..thank you for sharing

    • Thank you Pam. So funny you mentioned the coffee thing. I was thinking the exact same thing yesterday. I definitely look forward to getting to know you better.

  2. KIddo, YOU are a gift from heaven. Not only to me and your dad, but to everyone who knows you and loves you. You are an inspiration to all of us. The way you take on your struggles and deal with them and keep going to let all of us know they will not keep you down. I am so proud of you!!

    {{{{HUGS & HUGS & HUGS}}}}
    I Love You and miss you!

  3. Melinda *hugs* to you! I just popped over from Mom Loop’s comment follow ~ I started my own blog recently based on exactly what you just wrote! I’m so glad I stopped by : ) and good luck to you on your journey…

  4. Hi Kristin! Thank you so much for your comment. I love your blog and especially the way you write. I look forward to reading more. {{{HUGS}}}

    • Thank you so much for your comment, it really means a lot to me.

      The Mom Loop was awesome! I am still so new to blogging so it’s such a great way to find new blogs!

  5. I could see others for who they really are, which is, the exact same as me. They have the same fears, the same concerns, the same desire to be loved and accepted. Once I made this realization I didn’t feel so alone.

    What a lovely post, Melinda. I’m so happy to have found you. Yes, we are all basically alike. And as you noted in a recent blog of mine we all have these fears and demons we must overcome. For some it’s easier, but you know what? For those that must work harder to achieve a level of freedom from their fears, the reward is 10 fold. You will appreciate what you have EARNED through your working through the fear, that those who find it all easy will never be able to. Thank you so much for sharing.

      • Hi, Melinda. I do think it can get easier, and perhaps even “easy”. I think (and I’m no guru, to be clear) that you are on the the right path. It’s possible through your practice of anything to become more comfortable with it, whether that’s a physical or a mental skill.

        I’m sure I was terrified of public speaking when I was young (isn’t everyone?), but someplace along the line I got over it. I’ve spoken (briefly) to audiences of up to 5000 (I was running a large event and introducing the key-note speaker).

        Keep taking baby steps in the direct you want to go… and you’ll get there… or at least get much closer than when you started. Forgive the platitudes,but most of what we fear is simply inside us and not real at all.

        What’s the worst thing that could happen? In most circumstances, nothing all that bad, right?

      • Thank you so much, Michael. You are so right. “most of what we fear is simply inside us and not real at all” – I am beginning to learn this and the knowledge of it alone is empowering.

  6. Pingback: Voice of the Year « myyearofhugs

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