9 HUGS, 4 children, 5 adults (1 husband, 4 neighborhood friends)
Not wanting to venture out of the house today because my 1 year old is still feeling the effects of the croup, I wondered where the inspiration for today’s post would come from. Actually, as the day wore on I became more and more anxious about where it would come from. The best idea I had all day was to title it Boring and then just make fun of the fact that I didn’t have a whole heck of a lot to write about. I was going to go so far as to warn people that if it was the first post they were reading to run away…fast! But, as always, when I just let go of my anxiety the inspiration floats down to me like a gift from heaven. Or, is sent to me through a message from an angel.
A loyal follower sends me frequent comments that I adore. She moves me, inspires me, brings me to tears. (As a matter of fact, her latest blog post did just that. Read it here.) She recently asked me about the ways in which this journey has impacted my life and wondered why I don’t share those.
I haven’t shared up to this point because I wondered why people would care. What do I have or who am I that is so interesting people would want to know the kind of impact this would have on me? The fear of being made fun of by others who are smarter, funnier, prettier can sometimes be crippling. I didn’t even know I was feeling this way until it was brought to my attention. It’s amazing the kinds of demons that can lay deep below the surface even when you thought you had slayed them for the final time.
I have learned through this experience that people are kinder, gentler, more compassionate than we give them credit for. I have also learned that we really are all the same. I had such an inferiority complex (and apparently am still working on that one) before this project began. Oh sure, I hid it well, but it is one of my biggest weaknesses. I have been forced to face this fear over and over again every single day for 37 days. Over time, I beat that fear down and it became manageable. Once it became manageable, I could see others for who they really are, which is, the exact same as me. They have the same fears, the same concerns, the same desire to be loved and accepted. Once I made this realization I didn’t feel so alone. That fear became one that is not just manageable but really more of a nuisance. I know I will still need to work at it (every day for the next 328 days), but I anticipate a day in the near future when it will be time to move on and I will be able to look back at this fear and celebrate my growth.
This is just a small excerpt of how I have been affected. I could already write a book on the numerous ways my life has changed. I will share more of myself with you as the year goes on.
Just so you all know, in full disclosure, I had to write this post in a quiet room and it has taken me over an hour. Butterflies have been tumbling through my belly throughout the whole process and to be honest, the fear of putting myself out there this way has made me want to throw up a little. Now I have probably shared too much information, but well, I know most of you can relate to this in some way. I just may be one of the only ones crazy enough to share.
Shhh, don’t tell anyone…I am afraid to hit the publish button…………………..here goes…..