8 HUGS, 4 children, 4 adults (1 husband, 2 neighborhood friends, 1 parking lot attendant at New Hope Valley Railway)
I am in self help mode right now and I can’t help myself. I wanted so badly to write something light and fun tonight because that is the kind of mood I am in, but this post in my head is screaming to get out. And, after reading it you will realize that my first sentence kind of proves my point.
I find myself making excuses and apologizing for being me. Numerous times when hugging my neighbors I will apologize for having…bad breath, a sweaty back, no deodorant, etc. I have never noticed someone else’s bad breath, sweaty back or lack of deodorant yet I feel the need to announce my shortcomings and apologize for them before someone else notices them. Why? Does it make me feel in control of my shortcomings? Do I think that self-deprecating is more endearing? If so, I really need to change my way of thinking. These are not endearing qualities. If anything I could see them bordering on annoying. That is not the way I want to be. I want others to look at me as a confident self assured woman that they want to hug. Not a semi confident girl that they feel obligated to hug.
Constant apologizing forces me in to a perpetual sense of failure. I didn’t brush my teeth before seeing you? Sorry neighbor, I failed. I can’t find your car keys? Sorry hubby, I failed. I didn’t hug anyone today for my blog? Sorry readers, I failed. Not one of these things are a failure on my part, yet apologizing for them makes it so. I am going to rise above this feeling of failure and not apologize. I am in a self help mode and you are going to like it or you’re not. Either way I do not apologize. It is me and I am a success.
Please accept this blog as my virtual hug to you.