7 HUGS, 2 children, 5 adults (1 husband, 3 neighborhood friends, 1 employee at Home Depot)
Just when I think I have things figured out life sends subtle (or not so subtle) reminders that it is an ongoing process of growth. I have worked hard on being true to myself and knowing that as long as I make loving choices what others think of me has no impact on my life. This is a great concept that works in every area of my life except for parenting. What is it about parenting that causes me to question every decision, worry about how I am perceived as a mom and wonder every day if I couldn’t have done a better job?
Just because someone at Home Depot sees me yelling at 5 year old doesn’t automatically make me a bad mom (thank goodness I had already hugged him…). Especially because he never said that I was! The things that I make up in my head when I am doubting myself just reinforce these doubts. And really, who cares if he thinks I am a bad mom? Will it impact how I parent in the future? Will it impact anything around me? Will he even ever voice this thought to anyone other than himself? I can confidently say no. Because he doesn’t care about me nor should he. He has never seen me before and may never see me again. So why should I allow the thoughts he may or may not have had become all consuming to me? Looking at it this way I see how off balanced that is.
I am a good mom. I know it. I may not do things the same way as others, but that’s what makes me who I am. I am grateful for today because moments like this remind me that if I am feeling the weight of others non existent words so heavily then perhaps I am not making the most loving choices in my parenting. Perhaps I need to reevaluate them until I am once again confident that I am being the best mom I can be to my 2 boys. In the meantime, my energy is best spent on letting go of those negative voices in my head and loving my boys till it hurts.
Please accept this blog as my virtual hug to you.