A lot of new hugs (new friends, new church friends, a waitress, a bouncer)
I have so much to share but have been at a loss on where to begin. The past 4 days have been so full of love. A short while ago I decided to practice tearing down the walls I built around myself. These walls protected me from letting others in. What I thought was that if they couldn’t see the “real” me, then when they didn’t like me it wouldn’t matter. The problem I ran in to was that when people did like me I didn’t believe them. So many of my relationships were one sided without the other person even being aware of that. What a lonely, ugly place to be in.
My hugs have done wonders for chipping away at the wall but the last little bit had to be all me. I had to finish demolishing the last bit of wall that remained. The hardest part was realizing that I couldn’t actually work at that. I just had to be. I had to sit back and allow me to shine through. The demolishing couldn’t be done from the outside in, but from the inside out. I had to look at my friends and family directly in the eyes as they shared their love with me and allow myself to believe them. There have been quite a few tears. It is overwhelming to accept such pure love.
An amazing thing happened when the last of that wall crumbled. My relationships with others have deepened and I am an active participant in that. I no longer worry about scaring someone away because I want to share my love and myself with them. If they are not ready to accept it, I will never be sorry to have chosen to love. In the process I have begun attracting others who are as willing as I am to share their love. That just makes me want to run around hugging everyone and shouting at the top of my lungs, “I LOVE YOU ALL!” Don’t dare me, I just might do it.
Please accept this blog as my virtual hug to you.