For the past week I have found myself in very unfamiliar territory. I would like to say I am content, but I don’t know if that is the right word. In case you haven’t noticed (like, if you are new here and this is your first post…) I am a very emotional person. I feel very strongly in all situations. Whether I am happy or sad, I feel those emotions strongly. That is why I am not sure if content is the right word. I have been content before, but normally I feel strongly content. Does that even make sense? I guess the best way to describe it would be that I would feel so content I could just sigh and sigh and sigh. It would become very apparent to anyone around me that I was content.
This past week I have been living in the moment, at least that is what I think I have been doing. I am exhausted from training to do my push ups on Saturday (30 day challenge). I am going through the motions of keeping the house clean (well, my version of clean anyway). I am enjoying time with my kids and lately with my mother in law as well. (I happen to be one of those lucky few who loves my MIL) Normally my mind would be wandering in a thousand different places as I go through the motions. Each place my mind would wander I would find some strong emotion. Anxiety over things I need to do, happiness over things to come, sadness over things past. Yet, I find that after each motion I look back and am astonished that my mind was exactly on that one thing. From what I understand, that is living in the moment. During those moments I don’t feel anything very strongly. I just am.
Funny thing is, I am not sure I like it. I love my emotions. I love feeling. That is what makes me feel alive. That is what makes me me. No, I don’t love my mind wandering in a thousand different directions, but maybe just a few hundred? Perhaps it takes losing a part of yourself to understand just how much you love that part.
Please accept this blog as my virtual hug to you.