Not What I Expected

So, this 30 days of living life through my kids eyes isn’t quite shaping up the way I expected. I guess I kind of thought (hoped) that I would lighten up a little (a lot) and have more fun by being more childlike. Instead, I am learning so much more about what it is to be their mother and who they are as individuals. I am sad that it took a 30 day challenge for me to really start recognizing these things.

I have said over and over that my youngest is more than I can handle. I then follow that up with the fact that he is a spitfire, curious, adventurous and so full of energy and life. I have spent more time this past week celebrating these qualities of his instead of fighting them. Doing this has also allowed me to see what a creature of habit he is. He is the only one in the family that is this way. So, I now see his meltdowns as a way of controlling the disruptions in his routines. I now see that he clings to me relentlessly as a way to ask if his world is ok seeing as how it’s turned completely upside down on an almost regular basis. I will begin to give more routine to an otherwise chaotic household.

As for my oldest, I now recognize that his timidness has allowed me to have complete control over him. And, I see what a detriment that is to his growth. I have always thought of him as my easy one. Truth is, he will do whatever I say just to keep the peace. Today he tried to throw a tantrum. He gingerly stomped his foot down while looking at me with fear behind his eyes that said, “is this going to get me in trouble?” It broke my heart. I want him to be brave enough to fight for what he wants, yet the mom in me knows how easy it is that he’s not.

I don’t know that this challenge should really be about seeing life through my kids eyes. Perhaps it should be more about how to stop being A mom and start being Mom to these two beautiful individuals that I am so blessed to raise. It should be about how to stop yelling out demands and start leading by example. About how to stop pigeonholing them in to what children should do and encourage every little nuance that makes them the perfect, unique beings that they are. Yes, that is the challenge.

Please accept this blog as my virtual hug to you.


One thought on “Not What I Expected

  1. WOW!! You are getting way more out of this experiment than you had originally planned. Thank the Lord (or Nature or whatever) that this is what is happening. Your insights into your own behavior and the impact it has on the children– that is magical. You are quite brave and a very smart mom, Melinda!!

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