What a miracle it is to hear your words echoed back to you.
Last night in the clutches of anxiety hubby held and comforted me. I cried and expressed my frustration at feeling so anxious when it felt like life was going so well. I thought I was quite content. I was even practicing yoga daily along with meditation on a more regular basis. I was exercising at least 3-5 times a week and doing everything I have been taught to control the anxiety. Why was I still suffering from these terrible feelings?
His response? “Perhaps anxiety is a part of you. Perhaps it is a growth opportunity. I mean, that is what you wrote on the board, right?” This is the board in our family room that he is talking about.
When I first wrote the board hubby asked what growth opportunities meant, I said, “When we encounter difficult times we shouldn’t use negative words to describe them, but positive words like growth opportunities. It sounds better.”
Here he was echoing those words right back to me. I couldn’t help but smile. I couldn’t help but feel optimistic that I am making a difference in those around me. Life can be viewed optimistically even through anxiety. It didn’t fix my fears, but it did lessen them and gave me hope. (for those of you that understand anxiety, you know HOPE is everything.) He held me a little while longer before I told him I needed sleep. After he left I cried some more and fell asleep. This morning I woke up with anxiety. Crap. Yet, the day seemed more manageable. I had a renewed sense that I can practice living with this growth opportunity. I can practice accepting it as a part of who I am and choose to love that side of me despite how angry and frustrated it makes me feel. I look forward to a day when I can welcome and embrace my old cantankerous friend and quickly send him on his way.
Please accept this blog as my virtual hug to you.