I believe there are a select few women who were born to be a mom. The ones who calmly and gently cradle their little ones through the worst of colic. The ones who do daily crafts and engage their toddlers in activities that further their budding skills. They are the ones that play with their children on the playgrounds. They play board games with them tirelessly. They have 3, 4, 6 kids and still aren’t sure if they are done. I freely admit I am not one.
I always knew I wanted kids even though I was well aware that I didn’t like kids. I was not one to offer babysitting services. At family gatherings I could take the little ones for only so much time before choosing to go off and be by myself. I even tried to be a dance instructor for little ones for a year. I mean, I love dance so much the kids shouldn’t be that big of a factor, right? Wrong. Not for me.
Hubby asked me during our first date if I could see myself being a stay at home mom. If he had known my feelings toward children he would have been surprised that I responded, “yes!” Hmm, how do I explain this? I believe in family. I knew I was proud of the family I came from and wanted to share more of that with the world. I highly suspected that although I didn’t care for kids, I would love my own fiercely.
In that I was right. Did it mean I was born to be a mom? No. I often feel guilt while watching other moms be so good at it. I feel as though I struggle daily. Now, before you all go on defending me (that is what you are going to do, right? Please.) I know I am a great mom. I do. I know it. But, there are many things I know I would enjoy more than raising my kids as a stay at home mom right now. This is the reason why I continue to blog, the reason I have begun to write a book, the reason I have a Mary Kay business, and the reason I continue to look for other things that I was born to do while staying at home and raising my children.
So, while I accept I would enjoy other things more, being a stay at home mom is what I would rather be doing than anything else. I know that after my youngest goes to kindergarten I will never again for the rest of my life have one of my children all to myself. They will belong to school and sports then girlfriends, wives and careers. This is it. 5 years each. They are all mine. I try to do the things that I know moms are supposed to do. Sometimes I actually don’t mind swinging them on the swing. Very rarely I will engage in a friendly game of chutes and ladders. Occasionally I even enjoy a quick game of catch.
What I am amazing at is giving them love. So many hugs and kisses and cuddles that I am shocked they keep coming back for more. I climb in to bed with them in the morning just to start the day off right. I am that parent that people warn that I may spoil my kids. I rarely put them down as babies. I picked them up with every cry (well almost, except when the colic got too much for my ears and I had to run in to the garage and scream.). I quickly rush to their side when they are hurt and while telling them to shake it off I hug them to let them know that they are ok.
I am a perfect mom to my kids. Yet you better believe that as soon as my youngest is in kindergarten, after I am done crying my eyes out, I will embrace my new role as part time mom and full time… hmm… the possibilities will be endless.
Please accept this blog as my virtual hug to you.
*Disclaimer* This is not a post to advocate for or against being a stay at home mom. They are simply my thoughts on my life.