Ugh. It’s been so long since I wrote a post I almost forgot my password.
Hello friends. Been awhile.
I spent a lot of time in the past wondering (and being pissed about) the fact that some of my biggest mentors never seemed to get “real”. You know, sharing their deep dark angers or depressions and then sharing how they got out of them. I mean, I wanted to know. How do you get out? Don’t they have those moments? Don’t they just want to throw down and rumble? Yeah, that metaphor probably doesn’t work for me, but whatever. I said it.
Generally these thoughts come in the midst of my own breakdowns. I want direction. I want someone to say, this is how you maneuver through life. Steps 1, 2, 3. Easy peasy. Only, it doesn’t really work that way. Like, ever. Then I think, but that is the mentor I want to be. I want to share my deepest darkest. I want to share how I maneuver through life. I want to help others through those times.
But, I can’t be that mentor; if that type even exists. I can’t share my deepest darkest because they are mine. They are mine alone to maneuver and yours are very different. I see that now. I also see that the best mentor I can be is the one who shares after I have survived the breakdown. I see that I would have never listened to my favorite mentors if they bitched and whined throughout their breakdowns about how unfair life is. They are my favorites because they lift me up always with their words and ultimately that is the mentor that I want to be for others. So, unfortunately for my hubby and friends they are burdened with my pessimistic view of life. They are the ones that listen and let me rant knowing that the words I am saying are in no way a reflection of who I am. They accept and absorb my darkness allowing me to reveal my own light again.
This is where I come to you and say, you can do it. Darkness gets heavy. It can weigh you down, but find your outlet, be it friends, journal writing, meditating, praying, and use it. Unload that burden knowing that you are never alone and as long as you are alive you have a purpose. Now, go out and find it.
Please accept this blog as my virtual hug to you.