Illness Clarity

Have you ever been so sick that you have all new clarity about how you should be living your life? Or, even had a scare that made you reevaluate everything? I have experienced that more than my fair share of times already. Which REALLY got me thinking last week.

I just had bronchitis. Nothing that should be very serious, but I had a fever for 6 days and found myself thinking that I was on death’s door. I couldn’t think clearly, like my brain was in a fog and even lying down I felt like I was going to pass out. It was absolutely frightening especially for someone with high anxiety. The interesting thing was that I wasn’t afraid of dying. I was terrified that I haven’t found my life purpose yet. I kept thinking, this can’t be it because I don’t have my life purpose to show for it. I have a ton of things I am incredibly proud of, but none have felt like my “purpose”.

Once my head fog cleared I vowed to do something about that. Then, I remembered that every time I have found myself in the grips of “illness clarity” I have vowed to do something. And, when I am well, that urgency goes away. What happens the next time when it really is my time and I don’t have my life purpose figured out?

So, this time is different because I let go. I let go of the expectations that I need to find my life purpose. It will find me. I let go of the urgency that I need to be doing something. If something needs doing it will get done. I let go and accept myself for who I am now. (yes, Shabana this was inspired by this blog post you wrote)

Please accept this blog as my virtual hug to you.

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