Holding On For One Last Time

This is a very personal hug story of mine. I wanted to share it because not every meaningful hug has a happy ending.

It had been 7 months since I had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I was on the brink of a break up with my boyfriend and things were in complete disarray in my life. I had been warned that my grandmother did not have much time left. Probably before the weekend was over. I placed the call on Sunday to find out if I should call in to work to be there with her and was told, “No, it’s ok. You will have plenty of time to finish your shift. Just come to the hospital when you are done.” It was a Sunday and I was only working until noon. For some reason I didn’t have a car so my boyfriend dropped me off at work. After a few hours I began getting restless. It was close to 10 and I knew. I just knew I had to be at the hospital right NOW!

I called bf and told him to please hurry and pick me up. After clearing it with supervisors I jumped in to the car and we raced for the hospital. I told bf to drop me off at the door and meet me upstairs. That is how desperate I was to get to her room as soon as possible. For some reason I didn’t leave my bags in his car so with a heavy load on my shoulder I raced as quick as I could to get to her. Her room was on the left at the end of a long hallway. As I ran to her room I noticed family members slowly drifting out of her room with their heads down. “Noooooo” I screamed. I sprinted and as soon as I reached her room I dropped my bags mid-run in the middle of her floor. I rushed to her side and threw my arms around my best friend. She was my inspiration, always so full of loving kindness. She suffered so much but was quick to make a joke and laugh that cute smile of hers. And, her skin. Oh my gosh it was always flawless. Barely a wrinkle, so soft to touch. I prayed to always have skin like hers.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I tried to get here on time.” I buried my head in her shoulder and sobbed. She was still warm to the touch. I don’t know how long I stayed that way. I just couldn’t let go. She had been my savior over the past 7 months. Finally my Dad (this was his mom) came to me and said, “She heard you. I know she heard you.” And, you know I believe he is right. I believe now that she planned it that way so that I wouldn’t be there to watch her go. She may have realized that would have been more traumatic for me, although from my view point I don’t see how that would have been possible. I will however always treasure that last hug I was able to give her.

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Please accept this blog as my virtual hug to you.

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