Forgiveness is such an elusive bitch at times. “Forgive”, they say. “It will lessen the burden of your load”, they say. So we try. And, we try. And, we try some more. Sometimes we try to communicate this forgiveness with a conversation (which rarely works out well). Othertimes, we write a note. These days that could mean a text or email, but sometimes it’s still an old fashioned letter. As wonderful as words are, they cannot truly convey the emotion we are feeling behind that combination of letters.
We are taught that it is ok to forgive in our hearts and that the other person doesn’t even need to be aware. Just that act alone can help lift the weight of anger. So we try. And, we try. And, we try again. Sometimes it works. Sometimes. More often than not, it takes only a single moment to bring that anger flooding back in again. “But I forgave!”, we think. “What more can I do?” “What am I doing wrong?” In the end all we are left with is feeling worse. Like we are bad, unkind people who have no forgiveness in our hearts.
What a burden. How about for a moment we stop trying? Allow ourselves to feel as though it is ok to be angry, not forever, but for now. Maybe we can accept the idea of knowing one day we will probably be capable of forgiving but that today is not that day. And that is ok. Because I can tell you, you are a good, loving person who is simply human. Nothing more. And today, you don’t have to forgive.