I have been thinking back and reflecting on my most recent posts. I have come a long way from hugging people daily and writing about it. I often get asked, “Are you still hugging?” And, just the other day I found myself taking the bumper sticker off my car because it was rippped and faded. Am I still hugging?
Instinct tells me to immediately scream yes! Because I am. I hug people hello and goodbye regularly now. But, I have my moments now when even I get surprised by a hug someone gives me. Case in point – I went to that seminar last week. I knew I had met one of the girls speaking because she was a friend of a friend. But, I didn’t know if she remembered me. When I saw her she gave me a huge smile and instantly wrapped me in an enormous bear hug. I was completely taken aback in all of the best ways. I even exclaimed, “Oh, yeah, we are hugging.” It was awesome but boy did that get me thinking. Why was I so shocked by that? Wasn’t that supposed to be me behaving that way? Shouldn’t I have been the one to initiate the hug or at least not be surprised by it?
Oh those should’s. They are a killer. They make us feel like we aren’t enough. But, we are. We are enough. I had a reaction. And that was a good thing. It made me think. It made me reevaluate where I am in life and with my hugs. Am I hugging as much as I would like? Am I remaining open to love from others? Have I closed down my heart once again? Or, maybe at least a part of it?
I know what I want out of life. I want to remain completely open. I want there to be no blocks around my heart. I want to live life fully and completely, acknowledging every hurt, experiencing every moment of joy, reveling in failure and rejoicing in success. I accept that I am not there yet. But, with every experience that gives me pause to make me wonder how far off I am from living life to the fullest I know I am that much closer. So, thank you. Thank you to you N. Your amazing, wonderful, vulnerable spirit is a gift to me and inspires me to be that gift to someone else.