How do you know? How do you know when it is time to stay where you are at – miserable and ready for change – or move on? I have always chosen to move on. Sure, I would stay for awhile in that miserable state, but eventually I would leave “knowing” it was the right thing to do. Not sure if quotes were the right thing there, but I chose them because I was SURE in my heart every time that leaving was the right thing even though looking back I see that there were other options. I can see clearly now (Ha, got that stuck in your head now, don’t I?) that the miserable feelings were due to some unTruth I was feeling in my soul. Sure, leaving is one option. The easiest option.
Now, mind you, I am not just talking about relationships. Personally this has held true for me probably more with my jobs than anything else. What I wasn’t doing everytime I left was looking inside to ask the questions of why I was so miserable, what lesson could I learn from staying, how could I be happy despite the present situation? I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe that I wasn’t ready to ask these questions before now.
So, I have spent this last year trying to quit my job (twice) and failing. Perhaps it was time to ask the questions. So, I did. I asked and I meditated and I consulted friends and I consulted my intuitive healer. The answers were elusive. How frickin frustrating! Or were they? I kept hearing; have faith, trust in yourself, have gratitude, listen to your inner self, own your power. Well, great, but all those things appeared to lead me to the answer that I have always done, I needed to leave my job! Yet, somewhere deep inside, I knew that answer wasn’t right this time. GAH! What do I do??
Finally, I surrendered. I accepted that the lesson I was meant to learn in this current job hadn’t quite sunk in yet. I was too trapped in my thought processes of wanting to control the situation and ‘trying’ to figure out my lesson. I let it all go. I wish I could tell you how. It wasn’t anything I did. It was simply surrender. That was this past weekend. In that time, I learned. I learned that I am not lazy, just wanting a cushy job where I don’t have responsiblities. I would work my a** off for 60+ hours a week if the job I was at held meaning for me. This one doesn’t. I also learned that I continue to choose jobs that don’t hold meaning for me because I don’t have a college degree or any sort of creditation that gives me perceived value. I kept choosing jobs I was good at because I believed that was the only way someone would be willing to pay me. I believed that trying to find a job that held meaning for me would either mean; I would be jobless and penniless or I would have to accept minimal pay and I would be penniless. Woah.
Yesterday, I quit my job for the 3rd time. This time it stuck. I gave a month notice because I can and that felt right. But I know that starting now, it’s time to pursue what matters to me. To have faith that it will work out. To trust that I have made and am making the right decisions. To be grateful for the many lessons I have learned in my current job. To take those lessons with me wherever I go. And, perhaps share them with you along the way.