My to do list:
Prep house for selling
Relocate to a new state
Keep some semblance of normalcy for the kids
Maintain a healthy relationship with hubby
Continue spiritual growth
Clearly, that is not enough because I up and adopted a dog too. GAH! What was I thinking? But look, he’s soooo cute.
He’s a year old, so while he was potty trained and crate trained by the amazing Saving Grace (where I adopted him from); coming in to a new environment is taking some getting used to. For the last 5 days all of those items above on my to do list went to the wayside. There was no meditating for my spiritual growth. Tater Tot (that’s puppy’s name) was peeing everywhere so, no prepping the house for selling. I was yelling at my kids for every little thing because I was so overwhelmed. Oh, and don’t let me forget to mention that we had the ice storm. Hubby was away for an overnight in Atlanta when it hit. He got stuck there for 5 days. 5 days! 24 hours of which I lost power. Yup. Reading that back, I realize that not having a meltdown, probably would have been more concerning.
There is something about a meltdown that is so cleansing. It sucked. It hurt. I was embarrassed and frustrated. I felt completely out of control. Then it was over.
After it was over, hubby and I talked and connected – relationship getting back on track? Check.
I realized that Tater Tot needed to be brought out more frequently than I expected. No more peeing in the house? Check (for now)
A new checklist for the kids to keep them on track of the things that have been frustrating me was put in to place. Yelling ceased? Check. (Again, for now)
Prepping the house for selling? Turns out during all that chaos, I had actually kept that up. Closets were purged, 9 large bags of garbage were thrown out, 2 boxes of books were donated and a pile of clothes and blankets are ready for donation too. Check.
And, that spiritual growth? Oh, it’s such a sneaky thing. It keeps happening whether we think it is or not. No matter how hard I judged myself, there was growth happening. All of these challenges were opportunities for me to rise above and see things differently. Not better, just differently. I melted down. Wonderful. That is what I needed for my growth. I needed to let go of all expectations of myself and just stop judging. To accept that there are good days and bad days and through them all I am the same beautiful soul that I always have been. To understand that I will probably continue to judge myself, have bad days, want to control everything around me, and fall in to pits of despair (especially during the relocation) and not only is that ok, but it is the magic of being human. This life is a miracle and perhaps today will be the day that I can witness that despite the circumstances around me. Or perhaps not. Either way is ok and is exactly where I am meant to be on my spiritual journey. Check.