I am not a very good in betweener. (Clearly not a word seeing as how it was changed on me 3 times – damn autocorrect, I KNOW what I wanted to say…) I guess I don’t know many people who are. You know; that stage between what is comfortably known and the utter chaos of change.
I have said numerous times that the Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis wasn’t anywhere near as traumatic as the entire month between the time that I noticed symptoms and the time I was diagnosed. The not knowing was excruciating. Was it a pinched nerve? Was it cancer? Was I going to die? One whole month of repeating these questions to myself over and over. I about went out of my mind. And, to know that others have to wait much longer sometimes years for answers? Holy crap, I would die out of sheer panic.
That is the extreme side of the in between. But, I fight major anxiety everytime I find myself in that state.
Hello in between… (Said in the voice of George Costanza a la Seinfeld)
Welcome back my nemesis. (Said with disdain but also surprisingly with truth too)
I nearly lost my mind yesterday. The anxiety has been building and building. I am not in control of this relocation. There is so much to be done but even more that is unknown. I. Am. In. Between.
What am I going to do about it? Whine and cry? Well, yes as a matter of fact I am. I have. Every damn day. That’s not really working for me. Nothing has changed. So, in the wise words of hubby, “It’s time to try something new.”
I have spent the better part of today yelling in my mind, “shut up, shut up, shut up” to my mind. See, I have this voice that constantly loves making things seem so much worse than they ever are. Funny enough telling it to shut up is working. Don’t get me wrong, I have also meditated twice today and gone out for a meditative run, so technically three times. But, during those in betweens when my mind starts racing again, telling it to shut up reminds me that it’s just the voice overreacting. That things aren’t as bad as they might seem and I do have the power to choose how I experience this in between state.
This whole move has the potential for being an amazing adventure. I choose to embrace it. I choose to shut that voice up. And, on the days that’s not working for me, I choose to surrender knowing it will all work out no matter how the in between goes.